Relationships are complex, however, there are basic tenets that should be practiced in all relationships in order for them to have a solid foundation. Couples grow and change but if the core of the relationship is strong, couples are able to grow together as opposed to growing apart.
The Protecting the Core (PTC) Doctrine details the 10 practices that all couples should regularly do within their relationship. The deliberate and proper implementation of these 10 tenets will allow a couple to not only grow as individuals, but promote the growth of their partners and ultimately strengthen the relationship.
The Protect the Core Doctrine:
- As a couple, we will be honest with each other: Honesty is essential to all healthy relationships. Partners need to be able to trust that their significant others have their best interests at heart. You want to be honest but loving, when it comes to expressing how you feel and what you think about each other and the relationship. Partners should feel confident that they are leading with truth and not deception. This creates a sense of security that is invaluable.
- No matter who we are around, we will honor our relationship at all times: R-E-S-P-E-C-T! This is imperative to establishing a healthy and happy relationship. You must honor your partner and your relationship in the light and in the dark. Everyone should know how much you value your relationship and must respect your partner and relationship as much as you do. This should be present in your actions, the way you speak about your partner, the way you speak about your relationship and what you put out into the universe about yourself. At the end of it all, there should be no doubt that you’re invested.
- On a regular basis, we will speak life into each other: Couples must find ways to accentuate the positives in their partners. Too often do we focus on negative traits, on the things that most annoy us and pay little attention to the things that are great. We want to build our partners up, be their biggest supporters and identify the characteristics that helps them reach their greatest potential, even if they can’t see it themselves. It is your responsibility to speak life into your partner, even in their darkest moments.
- Spending quality time together as a couple will be of high priority: Work, children, and friends can all interfere with the time that is spent exclusively between you and your partner. Spending quality time with your partner allots the time necessary to reconnect. Reconnecting is essential to replenishing the core. You need time to enjoy each others company, fall in love again or just simply be in each others presence.
- No matter the issue, we will work out our problems in a civil manner: I almost feel as if this should be at the top of the list. When we think about being respectful (honoring the relationship), civilly working through problems is at the forefront of this concept. Raised tension can cause one to say things that are sometimes unforgivable. It takes a level of maturity to understand that a relationship does not have to consist of scream-fests, name bashing, emasculation, degradation and humiliation. When love is at the core of your relationship, you understand that even in the most heated of moments, you must remain level headed so that you can come to an understanding. All relationships come to a crossroad where there is tension, it is how you react to this that determines the outcome. When you are able to listen, process and respond civilly, both partners can feel heard, and respected and resolution comes soon after.
- We will not compare our relationship to others: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Whatever you have created as a couple should be the main focus of the relationship. Often times we get distracted by the appearance of others, the happiness of others, or idolize the workings of others in their relationship. This is dangerous, as we have no idea what truly goes on in the relationships we tend to admire. You don’t want to compare yourself to something that may not be fitting for you, your partner and your lifestyle. There’s something we can take away from everyone, but what’s important to understand is that you work to build a relationship that works for you!
- We will not allow others to interfere: We tend to rely on the perspectives of those who are important to us. However, allowing those people too deep into your relationship could be counterproductive. As stated before, people have differing values, and although you may share similar values, your relationship has a specific function in your life and the opinions and expectations of others can sometimes conflict. Seek the advice of trusted individuals, but apply what you think will work for your relationship. Leave your family and friends out of the daily workings of your relationship as it may give them a false sense of entitlement when it comes to interfering.
- We will support and not criticize each other: As your build a relationship, your partner should be your biggest supporter. This means being honest, but not cruel about what they think of your new ideas and life ventures. Partners are there to encourage, uplift and to be consistent. Having that one person in your corner whether good or bad, is reassuring and the duty of partners in a relationship.
- We will remember to take time to love ourselves so that we can continue to love each other: Self care! You need to be at the top of your game in order to be the foundation of someone else’s life. It can be tiring trying to reach your goals while being in support of someone else. It is imperative to your relationship that you take time to love yourself, to cultivate your dreams, to bring your needs and dreams to fruition. If not, resentment can begin to rear its ugly head. You have to love yourself enough to know that you matter in the relationship and your needs are valid and have to be met. Take the time to love yourself and life a full life, in order to be strong enough to love someone else.
- We will work as a team: Team work, makes the dream work! As cliche as this sounds, its no truer statement that describe this rule. There needs to be a team effort to make your relationship work. Both parties have to be all in and willing to tough it out when you’re in your winning season and during the times of your losing streaks. Both will happen in the duration of your relationship and how you work as a team will determine if you prevail or fail.
Creator: Dee of JustLovebyD.com