Screen Shot 2014-09-11 at 9.55.39 PMWhen working on a lasting relationship, one must lead with honesty. You have to be honest with yourself and with your partner about the things you need in order to be happy. This can be a challenging task, because…

  1. You want to avoid conflict or hurting the feelings of your significant others or…
  2. The things you want/need changes over time

Acknowledging that things have changed and your needs are not being met can save you from engaging in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling.

If you are committed to your partner, you want to always groom the core of your relationship. This includes acknowledging changes within each other, respecting those changes and being honest about how you feel about them.

How to lead with honesty:

  1. Is your partner still meeting your needs? Sexually, physically, emotionally? If not, you need to find a space to discuss your concerns. Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Expecting your partner to figure things out is unfair. It can create resentment, especially if the resentment is driven by the fact that your partner is not “figuring out” the problem. Understand that part of the communication in your relationship relies on you! So if you are in need of something, be mature about it and say something.
  2. Don’t hold on to things too long! One of the biggest mistakes people make in a relationship is not expressing how they honestly feel about a situation. If you are displeased with your partners actions, say something. If you didn’t like something they said, say something. This does not mean that you should be confrontational. Being able to express yourself in a way that is clear and non-confrontational is a sign of maturity and 9 times out of 10 will lead to a resolution.
  3. Assess how you are sizing up to the expectations you place on your partner. Are you holding yourself up to the same expectations? If not, reevaluating your expectations may be in order. You want to be honest about what you expect from your partner in the relationship and reciprocate those expectations (along with meeting the expectations that your partner may have for you). All is fair in the game of love, unless you are playing the game in a way that favors only one team.

Leading with honesty and having those uncomfortable conversations is necessary in protecting the core of your relationship. These conversations must happen. It builds on the trust in the relationship and opens the doors for communicating in a way that is conducive to success.

Take away: Always lead with honesty that is real,  not hurtful and addresses the problem at hand!

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