It’s amazing how obnoxious people can be when they speak to an expectant mother. I too was apart of this group until my fiance and I were blessed with a pregnancy and things changed! We both were thrown into the transition between singlehood to parenthood and recognized that this space was certainly one of the most uncomfortable places we’ve been thus far.
Within our relationship, everything was business as usual. We were happy and preparing for our little boy. However, the constant rude comments from people who were parents, or single became unbearable and forced up to make a collective decision to IGNORE all who had nothing positive to add to our experience.
Here are just a few of the comments we received and that YOU should never say to a an expectant mother:
1) Was this planned?
Really?! This is one of the most rude and loaded questions I have ever encountered. When my OB/GYN asked this question, I was a little taken aback, but she quickly followed up with the fact that 50% of pregnancies (married and unmarried couples alike) were unplanned pregnancies. She mostly wanted to know so that we could have an accurate count for conception. However, when this question was asked by people without medical degrees, there was an sense of judgement that came behind it. I always honestly answered and said “Nope this is a pleasant and welcomed surprise”. I mean, does a planned baby and unplanned baby have different value in this world? Is one more legitimate than the other? Does one have more rights? What the hell does it matter?!
2) The Tummy Rub
Don’t do it! It’s incredibly invasive. I’m guilty of doing this before I became pregnant. I was just so intrigued by a bulging belly and the fascination that came with a life being held safely behind it all. I just couldn’t help myself. I now see how uncomfortable it can be. First off, you have no idea if this expectant mom is completely comfortable with the idea of being pregnant, if she is keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption, if she is currently in pain, if she’s worried about the baby moving enough that day, or if she is comfortable with people feeling her belly. So randomly reaching out and grabbing her gut could be one of the worst things you could do to her in that very moment, or not! I say, just ask if it’s ok before you do it. Simple.
3) Are you excited?
This is similar to the “was this planned” question. Do you really expect a woman carrying a life to say no? It leaves a woman in a sticky situation where she most likely will have to lie about how she feels. Being pregnant, whether you’re in a good or bad situation, brings on a plethora of emotions, especially if you’re a new mom. Excitement is one of many of those emotions that a woman may feel along with fear, apprehension, curiosity, and worry. There are so many elements that encompass having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby that to limit a woman to only being exited, seems pretty unfair.
4) Are you guys getting married?
In a era such as the one we currently live in, where divorce rates stand steadily at 50% why bother pushing such an asinine question onto an expectant mother/couple, whose #1 priority should be preparing for their new blessing. Similar to the “was this planned?” question, does being married secure a baby from any hardship? Will it make the baby a better person. Frankly, I am the only one out of all of my friends who’s parents are still married and my friends are quite successful. In fact, ensuring that a couple is ready to be married would be my first priority. The last thing you want anyone to do is be married under certain condition, and not out of pure love.
5) Give unsolicited advice
Expectant mother’s are already barraged with information about staying healthy during their pregnancy. Please keep you’re wives tales, and information you heard from a close friend or family member to yourself. She’s not interested in what you’re mom use to do when she was pregnant with you, those days are long gone. She’s not interested in hearing about what you think she should be eating, how much she should weigh, what clothes are appropriate for her growing body, if her belly is too big or too small or what you think is best for the baby. No thanks… She already has enough to worry about.
To that end, when you see a pregnant woman, let her set the tone for the type of conversation that will occur. It’s a lot easier and leaves the door closed for offensive comments.