Getting married is so exciting! But when you’re about to take the leap into matrimony, it’s easy to lose sight of the main event… your marriage! The wedding dress, and all the planning takes on a life of its own, and everything begins to move at light’s speed. From my own experience, it were in these very moments that I began to do some deep thinking about what exactly I was getting myself into. This ultimately helped inform my decision to call off the wedding!
Now, this may not be your final decision, but these three things ARE NONNEGOTIABLE, and should be discussed before the big day. It will put things into perspective, and give you a sense of direction for what you (both) should be thinking about next. Check it out below:
This is an uncomfortable topic, especially when you’re in the process of getting married, which is an already expensive ordeal. However, married life requires you to have uncomfortable conversations, and make tough decisions. Money is one conversation that should never be avoided. The the last thing you want to do is have something from your partners past creep up on a mortgage application that you had NO IDEA ABOUT!
Here are a few questions you should ask:
- Do you have a ton of debt?
- How much in checkings? Savings?
- Do you have any outstanding bills? Maxed out credit cards?
- How are you with budgeting?
- Who will be in charge of keeping track of the finances?
It’s imperative to have discussions about your finances, and make decisions together so that both partners are clear about how the money is coming in, how it is being spent, and how you plan to meet some of your financial goals.
Being married changes people, and that’s a fact! However, you want to let your expectations for your partner known. If they weren’t into spreading the bed every morning before the marriage, and that’s something important to you, don’t demand this to happen once you say “I do”, because it’s not happening! One important thing about having realistic expectations is that you must have the ability to see things “as is”. We tend to want to overlook things and hope for them to get better, but most things in our relationship will need to be addressed head on.
What do you expect from your husband/wife? If you’re unclear about that, this may be the time to start thinking deeply about it. Do you have a specific image in your head about what your spouse’s role will be? If so, are they aware of it? If not, it’s time to have a discussion about what this new life will look like.
Here are a few things you should talk about:
- What’s important to you?
- Roles in the home.
- Needs vs. wants in the relationship
What’s a marriage without goals? As a team, you want to be able to plan, and set goals for your life together. In order to set thought into action, you’ll have to be clear about what you want to achieve as a couple, and then get to it!
What are some things you want to achieve together? Is it buying a house? Starting a business? Finishing school? Whatever it is, your partner should be included in the goal setting process and you both need to take the time to check in every now-and-then to see how things are going.
Do you have any other topics that should be discussed before marriage? If so, leave a comment below!