Most of us are simply existing in our relationships. We don’t communicate effectively, nor do we take the time to stop and check in with each other. Our connections are merely surface level, and the relationships in our lives tend to be full of conditions. The one thing I tell my clients is that these things are not just happening to us. When the relationships in our lives are in shambles, the truth is that we have played a significant role in all of it!
How would our lives change if we knew that we had the power to transform every single relationship? I mean the type of transformation that shifts the way we think, the way we live, and the way we love.It's time to ditch the victim mentality and adopt an attitude of empowerment! Click To Tweet
By the end of this post, you’re going to be able to transform every single relationship in your life, by incorporating these mindset shifts into your daily routine.
Ready to learn how exactly to do this? Keep reading…
To change the relationships in your life, YOU must live with intention, prepare (daily), and delve deep into self-discovery. Yep, that’s it!
Let’s first define “intention”…
Living with intention means to deliberately change your behavior in order to suit the kind of lifestyle you want to live. Everything you do and think about should have purpose. So how is this going to transform your relationships? Well, if you begin to behave differently, people have no choice but to adjust to the new you or move out of your way!
I always say, those who cannot accept the change in you, are not on your team to begin with. They’re simply with you to get what they can from you; whether is be emotional support, or attention. Your real confidant accepts all parts of you, even if it makes them uncomfortable. Positive change should incite, not deflect. So take that into consideration as you begin to live with more purpose.Your real confidants accept all parts of you, even if it makes them uncomfortable. Click To Tweet
I want you to think about the relationships in your life that are the most troubled. How would you benefit from being more intentional with how you interact with those people? Will a shift in your behavior facilitate more respect, a peace of mind for you, or even free you from some responsibility? If so, think about how you truly want to live your life, and begin making the changes accordingly.
How to prepare:
Like anything else, you have to prepare to transform. Meaning you have to get your mind ready for change. When you begin to change, GOD starts to reveal so many things to you. People start to change, opportunities present themselves, and you will be tested like no other. So you have to get ready!
Preparing for what happens to your relationships will be the vehicle to true transformation.
Here’s how to prepare:
- Be confident about what you’re doing: Now that you’re living with more intention. Your relationships will be tested. If a boyfriend is not willing to respect your new boundaries, you have to be prepared to make some difficult decisions. If you’re confident and understand that these changes need to happen in order for the right people to stay or enter your life, you have to know the end goal and stick it through.
- Know that every relationship, even the good ones, will have an adjustment period: You’re getting ready for a new life. You’re changing so that you can become happier and most importantly, you need to purge the negativity in your life. Prepare for even the good relationships to feel an impact. You don’t have to explain what you’re doing, but if it helps, go for it. Let the people in your life know that you are on a journey and to expect some changes. Like I mentioned before, the good relationships in your life may feel the impact, but if they are true, they will be willing to work with you.
- Have a plan: So what happens when you start to feel alone? What happens if you want to give up? What happens if you fall off track? What is your plan?! You wont have the answers to much of these questions, but if you’re aware that these are some of the emotions, or events that you my encounter along the way, you’ll be better prepared to respond.
Now it’s time for the most important part of the transformation…. Getting to know You!
Self discovery is the first step, but the most challenging. In order to live intentionally, and prepare yourself for the shifts in your relationships, you must first know yourself and be willing to face some of the ugliest parts.
This is a process. It takes time, and is never-ending. As you live with intention, you’ll discover more about yourself, about the life you want to live, and how you want people to behave in your life.
Self discovery will transform you in ways that you could never imagine. Here’s how:
- It gives you the opportunity to face yourself, flaws and all: As scary as this sounds, real transformation doesn’t happen without an honest assessment of self. This means, facing some of the issues in your life like body image issues, low self-esteem, low self-worth, co-dependency, etc. and understanding that you possess these traits, and you’re willing to work on them. This is hard to do, so I suggest seeking a therapist/counselor, life/relationship coach, GOD/church, an accountability partner…. someone who will be able to walk with you and help you process.
- Create boundaries: One of the biggest themes I’ve come to identify across all of the clients I see is the lack of boundaries. Boundaries are used to define who you are and informs others about what you accept in your life. What are your boundaries? and do you hold those boundaries each time, and with everyone? The more you discover who you are, the better you’ll get at making and holding boundaries. You don’t want people coming into your life and running a muck. Use your self-discovery journey to establish boundaries in order to define who you are.
- Forgive yourself: If there is anything harder than forgiving others, it’s forgiving yourself! However, it’s good practice. During this transformation, you’ll need to forgive yourself for doing things that were unbecoming, for allowing people to treat you a certain way, for not holding your boundaries, and for falling from grace. It’s all OK! The best part about forgiveness is that it is freeing. Once you give yourself an opportunity to move past your mistakes, you begin to heal.
So that’s it… the secret to transforming the relationships in your life is to begin with transforming YOU first!